In Inner Bonding, we often talk about who is in charge – your wounded self or your guidance. Most people are enslaved by the thoughts and beliefs of their wounded self – their programmed mind. But the mind is meant to be the servant of our inner and higher guidance, not the master. Why do we too often throw away the gift of intuition – of our inner knowing?

Intuition is a sacred gift, the rational mind its faithful servant. Sadly, we have thrown away the gift and have become enslaved to the servant. – Albert Einstein

Imagine living in a society where people trusted their intuition – trusted their feelings and their higher guidance. Could people in this society be easily controlled by government, religions, or the media? Obviously not, because when you trust your own inner knowing, you are not vulnerable to others’ manipulations and lies.

Our inner knowing has often been ridiculed by parents, siblings, teachers, religious leaders, or others in authority – by anyone who wanted control over us.

By diminishing our trust in ourselves and causing us to doubt our knowing, they successfully gained that control. How often do you doubt what you know? How often do you tell yourself that the other person knows more than you about what is right or best for you? How often do you squash yourself in order to gain another’s approval, which then serves to further diminish your trust in yourself? How do you feel when you do this? Anxious? Depressed? Angry?

These feelings are, again, your inner guidance, letting you know that you are thinking and behaving in ways that are wrong for you – that you are abandoning yourself to control another’s approval or disapproval. How long are you going to deny your intuition?

The Gift of Intuition

We have all been gifted with the tools of inner knowing. Our inner guidance – our feelings – and our higher guidance, are trustworthy sources of direct knowing.

In the book Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell, the stories clearly show that often what we know in the blink of an eye is far more accurate than years of “scientific” research.

Since our wounded self is based on fear and the desire to control, the last thing the wounded self wants is for you to trust your intuition. The wounded self is a mirror of everyone in your life who wanted to control you and has now taken on the role of being the controller and diminishing your trust in yourself.

Just as society would lose control over us if we trusted ourselves, our wounded self also loses control over us when we trust ourselves. This is what happens as you practice Inner Bonding and learn to trust your feelings and your higher guidance.

I was systematically taught by my parents and my grandmother to ignore and mistrust my feelings.

They always knew better than me. The more I denied my inner knowing, the more control they had over me. This continued in my marriage, where I gave so much control over to my husband, having been taught that men were smarter than women – and that’s what “a good wife” does.

It was a long hard road back for me, and I embarked on this path only when life became unbearable for me. The aloneness of my self-abandonment was so painful, and I was getting so physically ill, that I finally had to start to listen within.

Now I know without a shadow of a doubt that my intuition is truly a great gift. Even though my wounded self likes to act as if she knows truth, I can always tell the difference by how I feel: false beliefs feel bad inside, while trusting my guidance brings me a sense of peace inside.

I can no longer imagine life without being guided by my feelings – my inner guidance – and by my higher guidance. And now, because of this inner trust, I am no longer vulnerable to being controlled by others, and this is a great freedom!


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Dr. Paul is the author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul's books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages. Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, chaplain, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including The Oprah Winfrey Show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.